He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
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