She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
