Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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