Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
This toilet bowl is my home.
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