so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
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