saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
