Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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