kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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