in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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