It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
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