Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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