i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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