nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
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