I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
