she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize
