If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
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