I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I didn't notice because vodka
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
