Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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