I won't be sarcastic... just naked
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Randomize
