Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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