she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
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