I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
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