So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
