I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Randomize
