he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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