Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize