Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
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