I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
