Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
