No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
