community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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