so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Randomize
