i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Randomize
