How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Randomize
