why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
