the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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