We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
