I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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