I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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