No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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