We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
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