HIV tests are more positive than that guy
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Randomize