did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
