So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
