thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
