We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
