Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I have fence marks all over my body
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
