Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
