their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
