Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Randomize
