somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
