no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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