I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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