I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
I like to think it a success when the cops are called
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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