My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Let's get the cat blown out
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Never underestimate the power of titties
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
