I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
how drunk are you?
Several
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
