Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Randomize
