NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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