Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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