New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
I checked into jail on foursquare
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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