Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
the liver wants what the liver wants
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
