just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
