Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Randomize
