Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
Randomize
