Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
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