The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
