ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
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