how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
