I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
