That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
