Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Randomize
