Umm I'm too high to move.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Randomize
