so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Randomize
