8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
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